Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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