I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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