She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
