nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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