Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
