You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
