Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
