Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".

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(214): View more from Texas

There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(514): View more from Quebec

She just gave me a free latte.

(416): View more from Toronto

Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.

(604): View more from British Columbia

And by one day I mean once every two weeks.

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(229): View more from Georgia

Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!

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(210): View more from Texas

Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting

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