She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
