The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting