WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.