I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
