Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?