I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.