you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.