Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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