I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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