I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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