Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
