I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
