It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
