I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Congratulations! We have a period
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
