How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize