She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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