you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
