The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
