Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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