They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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