Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
