Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
