and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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