So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize