I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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