It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
