I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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