White coat. Heels.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
