I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
