Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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