wanna go halves on a baby?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
