Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
