nut hugger
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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