Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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