Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
