There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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