I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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