Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize