Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
