I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
