She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
