I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize