the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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