I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
