2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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