There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there's paper in my vomit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
