Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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