why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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