I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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