Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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