your parents love me but you hate me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
