Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
