a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
