i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
