i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was CRYING into my vagina
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
