Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
