I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
