the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
