Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
