...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
should my penis look like a turkey
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
