he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
